Date number 3 took place a bar I’d never been to before, with a guy who looked phenomenally hot in his pictures. Understandably, I was pretty nervous as I made my way in to meet him. However, once I laid eyes on him in person, I realized he was not all the pictures made him out to be. He was shorter than expected, less cute than expected, and wearing rocker-esque all black and converse (i.e. he did not put ANY effort into dressing up for me, which I decided to let go and embrace as his “style”). He had already started drinking by the time I arrived. I followed suit and ordered a drink right when I got there, and we dove into conversation about our lives, work, exes, etc. (I’ve since learned to avoid talking about exes on first dates).

As the night progressed, we got more and more tipsy. His loud, obnoxious laugh was annoying to me, but he DID have some positive qualities. First, he was a guitarist for a pretty successful band. The downside to this was the band broke up in January (lol) so lately he’s working at Giants games here and there to make money and he started his own band, meaning he’s barely staying afloat. Second, he was quite social – I liked how he struck up conversations with people around us and his sense of humor was good as well. We seemed to be hitting it off pretty well and made our way to another bar nearby. We continued to drink and drink, talk and talk. Throughout the night, he kept touching me in little flirty ways, and it seemed there was some chemistry there.

As the date ended, we hugged goodbye and I could feel that he was going to go in for a kiss. I let him. It was actually a very sweet and soft kiss and I enjoyed it a lot. As I was leaving, I can’t remember what exactly was said. I know that at several points throughout our date, however, we discussed hanging out again, introducing each other to friends, etc.

The next day I heard nothing from him. On day two, I figured I might as well send him a “thank you” text, just out of politeness. Looking back I see it for what it was: a way to open the lines of communication between us. In the future I will not do this; it is just as easy/hard for a guy to text me as it is for me to text them. The man I want WILL text me, maybe even the same night after our date ends, to thank me and tell me how much he liked me. This guy was different though, and he did eventually get back to me. Since then, we’ve gone back and forth (very little) about how we’re doing and meeting up again. Last I heard, he was going to “maybe” be available toward the end of last week. I told him just hit me up, give me some notice so I don’t make other plans, and I’d be down to hang out. Did I ever hear from him? Nope. Goodbye, guitarist boy!

This experience (and the ones thereafter which I shall share in time) has really confused me. Are guys just totally full of shit? Do they really like me? Are they just saying it to appease me on the date? Why hang out with me for hours? Why kiss me at the end of the night? Does my intelligence/beauty/maturity intimidate them? If so, they’re not the ones for me. I need a man who embraces all that I am and goes after what he wants, which should be me! So far, nobody fits the bill.

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The second date of my misadventures in online dating took place at Starbucks (so unoriginal — I’ve since decided no more first dates at coffee shops! Over it!) We’ll call this one Zumba boy.

When I first walked into the Starbucks, I took a seat at a table near the door and immediately dove into my cell phone, trying to avoid feeling nervous. I saw a guy walk in and walk right back out, and thought to myself how much I wished it wouldn’t be my date for the night – the guy was not really attractive to me, and he obviously was awkward and weird since he had to go back outside to regain composure enough to approach me. I mean, I’m an attractive girl, but I want someone who is at least as ballsy as I am, if not more so….

Finally he came in and sat down with me and our conversation was extremely slow and a little weird. We talked about our work, families, hobbies, etc. As it turns out, he’s from a really great family, works really hard and has a lot of great things going for him. Unfortunately, he’s just not really my type and it would take a lot for him to get out of the friend zone with me.

It was a short but pleasant meeting, and on my way home, he texted me and thanked me for meeting him, which scored him major points (why are men so reluctant to call a girl right away? I want to know you’re interested!!!) Within the next few days, we made plans to hang out again.

I met up with him on a Thursday night, when the bar scene is poppin, and hung out with him and a friend of his (a very attractive blonde girl) all night. We drank and partied, danced, talked to random people, bar hopped, and overall it was a really really fun time. I enjoyed hanging out with the two of them very much and I saw him in his element – he’s super popular and knows everyone at the bars (the bouncers, bartenders, drunk college people, everyone!) I enjoyed getting introduced to everyone and the VIP treatment we got everywhere.

After that night, I heard from Zumba boy a few times (FYI, I call him Zumba boy because he does Zumba every week and loves it so much his face lights up whenever he talks about it, which is kin d of adorable…) We texted about how our days were going, what we were up to, etc. Twice he hit me up at the last minute to make plans, and both times I had already made plans and could not meet up with him. I was hoping this would teach him a lesson that I’m not a girl that just waits around – if he wants to hang out with me, he needs to get dibs on me in advance before someone else does…

I decided since we were in the friend zone and I’d heard from him so much, there was no harm in asking him if he was going to the bars again last Thursday. So on Tuesday, before I had all my plans lined up for the rest of the week, I texted him to see what his plans were. His response was  “ I think we’re going out”. Wtf does that mean? “We” as in him and his friends? Was I invited? I decided not to respond to that text and have not heard from him again.

He pursued me so much in the beginning, then after I could not hang out with him twice, cut me off I guess. Don’t guys want a girl who’s in demand? Is that really a negative thing? Shouldn’t that have made him want me more? Maybe he’s secretly in love with his pretty blonde friend. Whatever the case, I was not that into him anyways. I just wonder where I went wrong, because I would have liked to keep him as a friend. Oh well, there are plenty more fish in the sea. Goodbye for now, Zumba boy!

My first date with an online acquaintance came a couple weeks ago with a guy I met online. We’ll call him DUI boy. He seemed to be genuinely nice and attentive; I liked that he was eager to meet me and very complimentary. We were planning to meet for drinks and appetizers and Applebee’s, however that all changed very quickly. On the day of our meeting, we were texting back and forth about where/when to meet. I suggested we just meet at the restaurant, and he kept beating around the bush, trying to convince me to meet him at a Starbucks beforehand and that we could go to Applebees together. (NOTE: one of my biggest rules for online dating is never picking up the person on the first date! The two people should meet in a public place first and see where it goes from there) I explained to him that we could meet and Starbucks and stay at Starbucks, and he agreed to this.

When I pulled up to Starbucks and realized it was closed, I called him. He said he was walking over, and next to Starbucks was a little bar/grill. He told me when he arrived I better get out of the car and give him a hug hello. I like an assertive attitude, so I did what he said and hugged him hello. So far so good. We went into the bar and sat down and each got a beer. At first I looked at him and couldn’t find anything attractive, but as we started talking, something clicked. I realized he actually was very attractive and I enjoyed talking to him. We exchanged horror stories of online dating and talked about what we were looking for in our next mate. We discussed where we are currently with work and home life. When he divulged that he lived with his mother, I asked him to explain how that came about, knowing he’d lived on his own before that. That’s when the crazy story came out….

Apparently this guy had gotten a DUI (thus, he couldn’t drive to meet me!). He explained that he had gotten a DUI prior to that, and in one of his AA classes, met a very cute girl. They decided to go get drunk together (ironic, isn’t it?) and as they were drunkenly making out at the girl’s house, her mother walked in and screamed that the girl was only 17, and he had to leave immediately. He says after that was all a blur and he had to read about it the next day in the paper (after going to jail of course).

This wasn’t a TOTAL dealbreaker for me, I decided to give him a chance. Hey, maybe he has a little drinking problem, but then again, who doesn’t make mistakes? Maybe he’s learned from them…. (looking back I realize how silly this was of me to think!) So as the bar closes (it was only 10:00pm), we decide to go sit in my car out front (plenty of people around, I did not feel endangered, though maybe I should have). This is where things got really WEIRD…. He was all up on me, trying to touch me, being very grabby and weird. I told him stop touching me and he didn’t really listen… Then he asked if he could massage my feet.  I ended it there, told him get out and I’d enjoyed meeting him but I had to go. He texted me nonstop for days afterward, even after I’d said “I think you have a problem with alcohol” and “I don’t feel that connection”. Finally after about a week it stopped.

The next day I told my coworkers the story. One of them, a very maternal and protective lady, looked up his name online. Sure enough, he’d gotten not 1, not 2, but THREE DUI’s and his last arrest was in June of this year. I’m glad he was so weird and awkward and totally turned me off, otherwise I might have gone along with it a little longer. Goodbye, DUI boy!

Wow, what a first date! The next one is an interesting story as well but will have to wait until tomorrow. Bedtime for me. Goodnight!

Let me introduce myself to you all and explain what brings me here today! I have not been a single girl for long; recently I ended a 1.5 year relationship with a douche bag that was not worth my time. I caught him doing unsavory activities online, things that I could not accept, and after a long struggle I was forced to call it quits (FYI, I also supported him financially even though he was 10 years older than me). He proved himself to be an even worse person than I could have imagined, adding insult to injury by stealing from me and disappearing. He was not worth my time, is not worth my tears and will not continue to limit the potential of MY world and all that’s in it.

I’d like to back up a little and share an important part of my life’s path, the fact that my first boyfriend, the love of my life, was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident after being with him 3.5 years. This is the man I would have stayed with forever if I could have, and after losing him I entered a period of deep and dark depression. I was a single girl during this period of time, but looked for love in all the wrong places. I dated guys who did not value or respect me, and I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and hurt emotionally. When I found my ex, the one I just broke up with, I was so desperate for love that I overlooked a ton of red flags. This time around will be different.

I have decided to put myself first this time. Finding a boyfriend is not my goal; rather, I am trying to find myself and come to know exactly what I want in life and a mate. I have started a small list of criteria, and will add to it as my journey continues. Obviously the first and foremost thing is that he must genuinely like, care about, and respect me! But beyond that:

1. he must be self-sufficient, that is, he must be able to support himself financially!

2. he must have a vehicle in which he can pick me up and take me places

3. he must be fun to be around, i.e. have friends, a sense of humor, like to go out and socialize, adventurous….

4. he must tolerate my family and friends, or better yet, sincerely like them!

5. he must include me in activities with his friends (not always, but enough for me to get to know his friends and for me to not feel left out/alienated)

That’s all I have so far, but the list shall continue. Now let’s get started on some adventures!